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| Advice from the Experts "Mr. Rock Whisperer, I was excited to get my rock hard six pack. I found a secluded spot in the garden and carefully laid the crate like box on its side then gently used a stick to lever open the lid. The wild rocks immediately charged but froze as soon as they hit the ground. Since then they won't come when I try to entice them with sand or gravel and I'm afraid one or two may be dead as they appear to be completely unresponsive. What should I do?" - Juggles McBob, Austin, TX
 Dear Juggles, While the transporation of these creatures must be handled with the greatest of care, it is not uncommon for wild rocks to enter a 'hibernation' stage for a short period of time. It is very difficult to determine the status of their health by simply observing, you need a special rock stethascope and even then sometimes if they are in a deep enough hibernation they may still appear to be dead. Of course they could just be playing dead, its a game these creatures play all the time. To tell for sure, stare directly at your rock for several minutes without moving your eyes or blinking. Your vision may start to go black around the edges, that is completely normal. We call it, rock focusing. You may start to see your rock breathing, jumping or jerking back. As soon as you blink your eyes they will resort to their previous positions, but at least you know they are not dead. "Mr. Rock Whisperer, my rocks are boring. They don't do anything all day. I try reading to them, taking them to the bar with me, I even take them to the gym. What am I doing wrong?" - Todd the Bod, Encino CA
 Hey Todd, Rocks are boring! There is no doubt about that fact. Amidst all the other creatures of the world you could say they are stone cold boring. But play to their strengths, use your little rock as a wing man. When you go to the bar get your rock to start up a conversation with some hot babes, a few minutes later 'rescue' them from an otherwise onesided boring conversation. Also, when you're at the gym stop by the sauna and drop your rock buddy off in the steamer, he could probably use some sweat cleansing. "Dr. Rock Whisperer, I really want to interact in a one on one and personal manner with my rocks but they exclude me from everything. The other night when I got home from work they all froze, but I am certain they were partying hard just seconds before. The evidence is everywhere, lights are on, the refrigerator is open there are dirty dishes in the sink. What can I do?" Tippy Delippi, Cedar Falls, IA
 I used to know a girl who was always tripping, but her name wasn't Tippy. Thanks for the doctor honorific, most people are not aware that in the aboriginal grounds of spontaneous rock generation I am kind of a rock witch doctor, so it is perfectly acceptable to accept me as Doctor. I have also decided to put some letters after my name to make people aware of how smart and incredible I must be. What do you think, Dr. Alex Willis, AGH, Uky, OCH. Rather impressive right? To your question. You are nuts. You should take your rocks immediately to a shelter and surrender them. Rocks are green, they would never leave unused lights on. "Mr. Rock Whisperer, I just purchased the companion guide and it is phenominal! I learned so much about wild rocks, training, feeding. I even used the cutouts to dress one of my rocks up to take them to a tea party. Everyone should buy one of your books, no really, everyone. It should be like the Bible and put in hotel rooms" - Mom
 Hi Mom, Yes I know I haven't called. I've been busy. I have the rock hustling thing going on, I need to earn some bucks to get an infomercial to feed my peanut butter and jelly sandwich habit, but seriously do you need to send questions to my site and pretend its all about the rocks. I told you I couldn't and wouldn't go to a tea party...again. Jeremy wore the same pink dress and white gloves as I did last time and I cannot stand the humiliation. By the way, I hope you bought the rocks from this website, I get like $0.12 more if you do.
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| Have a question We have lots of answers, not necessarily pertaining to rocks, their makup or anything scientifically related to rocks, but we would make a good lifeline on a television based trivia game. Ah hem, the average rainfall in the Amazon basin is 13.143 ft per year. Lets see Regis beat that with a stick. Email us your questions at ihaveaquestioneitherpertainingornotpertainingtorocks@aol.comand if that doesn't work, just pass it on through your wild rock, they've got psychic abilities you know. | | Customer testimonials 'Love the rocks, love the book, love looking in your kitchen window late at night to see what you had for dinner. I then sort through your trash and wear whatever you scraped off your plate. Why won't you let me in, seriously. Remember, I'm always just outside your window.' - S.T. Alker 'I've been twittering my wild rock activities for weeks and already have 300,000 followers. I knew my rock was awesome, now everyone does!' - Tipster Gore | |
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